Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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