Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
