My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You pole danced in your parka.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize