Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
