Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
