I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize