In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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