Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Randomize
