Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
