Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
