Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
