The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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