I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
