Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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