We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
