Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
