phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
