The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
