he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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