That's when you crack a 10am beer
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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