I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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