I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
