life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
