seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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