he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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