We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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