last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize