nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
