at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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