you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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