we're blogging at a bar
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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