two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
