Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize