If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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