Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
