My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
just found out that she named her cat after me.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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