my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Randomize