Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
