You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
