Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Randomize
