I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
