I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
