honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize