I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
