dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
