Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Randomize
