My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
