my phone needs a breathalizer
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
