Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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