I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
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