I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i love accidental penises.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
