His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
