yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
