Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Rumble strips road head = magical
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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