careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
