i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
