Porn is love you can see.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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