Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
