I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Randomize
