I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
