woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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