he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
