We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
