I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
