sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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